Retired Ramblings

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So,
I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue
teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans!

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a
cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of
an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older.  Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then poop on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it
spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to
know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think
of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.